Mountains to climb

"I wouldn't be who I am today if that hadn't happened or I hadn't met that person at that time."

I've come across this expression a lot, particularly from people choosing to be more consciously aware of the nature of their thoughts and their consequence, as well as choosing to lead an authentic, joyful, empowered and productive life.

It gives me an impression that the person involved has moved into a level of acceptance and gratitude for all that they have experienced throughout life and are open and receptive to whatever experiences that life has yet to bring.

I have found that the ease with which this perspective of life can be moved into and upheld is dependent upon my state of being at any time, combined with an overall vision and feeling of what has been personally experienced.

I'll give an example. I can be relaxed and feeling peaceful, open, receptive. So I allow my mind to open up old memories, images, remembrance of thoughts and deepest longings and needs at a given time. I find it easy to think positively and feel grateful about the experiences I've had, as long as they fall into my 'that was great/okay/acceptable' category. I usually struggle to move into acceptance, let alone a sense of gratitude, when the experiences I've had fall into my 'that was traumatic/painful/unpleasant' category.

There is of course, a lot of reading material and information to do with the nature of the spiritual path and the lessons and growth that we've come into physicality to experience. It is very natural to try and figure out why a challenging or unpleasant experience has occurred, who was involved in it and what its consequence is. The human mind seeks out meaning to be able to embrace new information, move into clarity and out of suffering.

Reading through much of the new age spirituality/self improvement literature creates an image for me, of a winding path towards the summit of a mountaintop or even towards an inner core of our being. A key theme seems to be about aspiration and purpose - of journeying from some place we're at towards some place better, more desirable, complete. An underlying intention or motive seems to vary from striving to clarify and improve our personal situation, to being more inclusive and co-operative with others and for humanity to become better stewards of the planet.

I prefer an idea of striving to better myself and of my role within humanity, than of simply existing to lead a hedonistic lifestyle with little regard for others or the environment, other than in how they can be of service towards indulging my every whim.

But it is all about choice though, isn't it, which takes into account personal gratification, influence and consequence. Also, awareness of my social and cultural programming of what life is about and of who I am feeds into my process of analysis, understanding and decision making as well.

Certainly, awareness of my thinking process and of the values I am choosing to live by, makes a world of difference in how I go about processing or contemplating an experience that is or that I have found challenging. It determines whether I linger in a particular attitude or emotional state, whether it be dismissal, blame, anxiety, despair, regret, acceptance or gratitude.

And whilst I don't enjoy an experience of being around someone who is perpetually negative or unhappy in their outlook, I also don't relate very easily to someone who is perpetually in a trance-like state of spiritual ecstasy or is dismissive of suffering and problems in the world, as if somehow there is a hierarchy of people, with some who aren't spiritual enough or just don't get it. An image of a pendulum comes to mind, of our freedom of will, to create an idea of ourselves in our mind's eye and from this, to determine what is right and wrong and of value or not throughout life.

It is just that sometimes, without our knowing how or why, or even being able to predict when, the gears of that mechanism by which we measure time and value shift and our perspective of purpose and of who we are shifts as well. So the mountain if you like, appears to keep turning on its head, or that spiral towards an inner core, turns out as much as in.

So I see intention as a driver, but in the midst of consciously choosing to be open to whatever experiences we are having, in stillness and with clarity of thought and awareness, any concept of a destination or a process of becoming just dissolves. And with the collapsing of time and and of linear progression, so goes any boundary lines in my thought, of how I have been, or am in any way now, any different from you.