Death. What kinds of thoughts and emotions does that word generate in you? As I let the word 'death' roll around through my thoughts, images of horror movies come to mind, you know, the ones with the spooky graveyard scenes and the zombies rising from the dead. I also get images of clinical, blue-white hospitals with rows of beds and beeping equipment, cries and grimaces of pain and deterioration before quiet sighs of release signal what might be a merciful end.
I very definitely don't get any images of smiles and cheery laughter. No, the energy I associate with death and grieving is much too low and sombre for that. Smiles and laughter would not seem reverent or appropriate for paying respect to a life that has passed. It is a time of grieving and letting go and of honoring a valuable gift and blessing of life as well.
As I sift through the memories of my life experience, I remember that I have experienced many deaths of one sort or another. The physical deaths of family members, but also an ending of something deeply valued, by way of a sense of loss associated with changing life circumstances or a realization that life has not proceeded as hoped for or as planned.
All of these events, to different degrees, have moved me through stages of shock, vulnerability, anger, resentment, resignation and compassion. Gratitude and a sense of being blessed do not come up for me in the midst of an experience of loss and only afterwards as long as I don't get stuck in a sense of injustice or resentment.
Yes, I have noticed from my experience that resentment and resistance of what has taken place have very definitely got in the way of feeling good about life and of feeling open, trusting and excited about the many experiences that life still holds. You could say that at such times, my perspective of who I am in relationship with life has closed down, that life has taken on an aspect of being scarily unpredictable and often hostile and I've felt insignificant and afraid.
Whether I am open and trusting of life or not is directly reflected in my perception of death and of loss. It is as if sometimes, when I am feeling low, I have a perception and underlying belief that death is like some kind of trump card that life has over me, in that if I don't get something right and fail in some way, death will come marching upon me and I won't be able to do anything about it but submit to its totality of power.
This image of there being a tension between life and death is a very effective incentive to seek out what others might have to say about what is expected from us and what kind of attitude and behavior is beneficial so that life might work out best. The social and cultural programming about this has always been and is still, very powerful. It is a very old story as well. You only have to pick up a history book to read about how members of a tribe or a neighboring tribe were sacrificed at an altar to placate some deity in return for power and success or so that crops wouldn't fail.
If you take a look at society today, you will see that there exists still, an underlying attitude of sacrifice for the greater good. It is a very competitive and manipulative stance and certainly one that reflects a world view in which you must be on your guard always so as not to be one of those that are seen as being weak or that fail. The fear of simply being associated with such can be enough to close off the compassion of a human heart.
The political will seems to reflect this delicate balance with its military precision. Gestures of aggression are couched sublimely in gentle words such as 'it is with regret' and 'we have to do this' as if to make a divisive split through the human mind and community that bit more palatable somehow. So follows the cycles of the accumulation and preservation of power.
I find it refreshing to hear about spirituality movements and commercial and community-building ventures that emerge from a heightened world view of collaboration and co-operation. It is not that heightened is reflecting something better than something else, or is in competition with a selective world view that favors the strong and powerful over the weak. Rather that it is reflecting an inclusive, open and trusting embrace of life that values all experiences and all contributions and allows itself to be guided into its natural fulfillment and power through life rather than by trying to live in the shadow of an ideology that seeks to avoid pain and loss.
Essentially, what I am trying to convey through these words, is simply a view that life is not just black or white or this or that and there is no ideal path to success. This is not to do away with any concept of value either, but rather expands upon what it has heretofore meant. Instead of navigating through life with an underlying rejection of some aspects of life as undesirable, there exists an invitation to turn towards and into life and an acceptance of all that it holds. To pay attention to and have trust in a process of life rather than of relinquishing of power to what others have had to say.
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